Well, i don't really have anything much to say. Life's been simple, problem's always a bitch. But hey, that's pretty much life, isn't it. Basically i procrastinate about work. I don't really feel like working but even when mum doesn't show she wants me to work, i'd know she wanted it.

I guess i'm left with myself to support my family so here's where i make a stand. I don't expect you to get me a car even if i die dreaming of one nor set a fine dine meal for me. Like i said, here's where i make my stand. I'm going to work for family sake and of course supporting myself, probably others.

i wonder...who reads these.

heavenknows

5:39 AM

After so long knowing, now i realize.
My feeling's towards you is different in my eyes.
A friend so great i'm scared to lose.
Because we all know life isn't much of a cruise.

A restless period while thinking of you.
Wishing for a moment that i know, couldn't be true.
Let me pray to my one and only God.
Keeping in mind that one confusing thought.

To risk our friendship is a daunting decision.
Yet i wait here, full with anticipation.
I don't want this to just fade away.
Instead reminiscing about me leaning on you yesterday.

A best-friend while my feelings for you grow.
I guess i'll just have to go slow.
"A girl Next Door" is what i think of her.
No matter what happens, just a friend or together, in my heart is where you'll stay forever.

heavenknows

10:46 PM

Feeling shitty,
Feeling low.
What is this insanity,
isolation & dark like a crow.

Just like a dog, i have my own territory. A little mistake from anyone could just trigger a ticket to Hell-sinky. I'm pressurized by something yet i can't really say. Eff to this "something". This feelings aren't intended, it just come and goes like the sea.

I don't except anyone to understand me like i do because that is equivalent to being perfect. Someone who can just listen and take me as i am. Don't just come and go like many would, stay around and we'll share our different views or opinions. All i do is try to get my life out of my people because in the end back home is where isolation will soon kick in. Anyone out there willing to help? Insya-allah there will be...

These distorted images in my mind corrupts my day with a single flash. Trying to be happy is just another daily affair. It's like carrying a tonne of burden on your bare back.

Everyone has a life to enjoy, not to mention suffer.Maybe this is where i draw the line between my life and the outside world. I stop to think about my problems at the same time isolate myself so that i can prevent adding burden to others. It's been that way since my life was shattered since young. No matter who i talk to, fading away seems to be as easy as clapping.

sometimes i wish i feel like taking a day off from you guys. To create a residue that would make you think that i have issues. I admit, I do. But what am i to do when you've seen a broken home since young. It's like a stain that never comes off. Inevitably, life has it's way around. Honestly, it never did happen. Maybe i'm expecting too much. Or just plain paranoid.

If "perfect" is on the 99th floor of Hotel California, then i'm 5 blocks away, not even making it in the same building.

Shit happens,
it's part and parcel of life.
So where do i stand in this layer of adolescence?
Cause all that i'm going through, is another round of a jackknife.

heavenknows

11:22 PM

Composing became a new obsession
with the expense of time.
Oblivious about life's degradation,
that's where we create our own crime.

I can't sleep because i'm thinking about those songs i've composed. I'm not saying that i want everyone to love it but just appreciate. To me if the song is good enough for me, i'll take it as it is. Nothing's perfect. Hopefully others may get to listen to it soon

Just so you know, my band is called The Calderon's. Why so? Just ask this little girl called Fanaa Calderon. Recently i've come up with 3 new songs, one of which is pretty much ready for jamming. The last one i composed is mainly for my own ears as it tells a story of my journey in life waiting for my dear brother to come home. Nothing special to many but it is to me.

These past few day's i've been having this sudden stress that builds up in my head. That's when composing became apart of me. It just came about when the tides got a little too high.

I wish i have someone to talk to,
in times of drought.
Thinking about what's true,
yet never had the guts to voice out....it hurts,literally.

heavenknows

1:57 AM

Moments remained as memories.
Time flew like the morning bird.
Be gone with these dark entities.
Soon, it will all turn to pure dirt.

Well it has been quite a while since my last entry. Things have been a bit unpleasant along the way but i guess i just got to build my foundation with a smile. I have to say, there are happy thoughts that got me to stay on my feet and not go astray to far out. Yeah maybe some of you guys are right. I do have my brothers and sisters when i need them. But bare in mind that i have the last say.

These past few days was a hell ride for me. Thinking about something only a handful know about. But i do try waking up in the morning with a smile on my face. Whether it last? That depends strictly on the things that happen.

Suddenly everything starts to slow down.
Yet sometimes i wished time would just stay still.
While i'm still in this town,
Let's hope we can enjoy the next thrill.

heavenknows

11:49 PM

heavenknows

12:53 AM

heavenknows

3:16 AM

heavenknows

12:38 AM